Ahh…Jury Duty. The civic responsibility everyone dreads….unless you’re a psychic, in which case it can be pretty darn fun! Surrounded by 11 complete strangers, I’m able to stay in my little closet and hide my abilities from everyone.
It was December of 2013 and I was assigned to a domestic violence case. When I tuned into my Spirit Guides, I heard “Find whatever verdict you want. The most important part is that this couple separates.” Okay, so it’s not really cheating.
While we were on a break, I was sitting outside the courtroom reading a book when a woman came and sat down next to me. She asked me what I was reading and when I looked over to answer her, I noticed she was crying. “I’m here because my son was murdered, “ she said. [Now, this kind of stuff happens all the time and when it does, it’s usually an opportunity presenting itself for me to step up to the plate.] As I was reacting to her statement, I heard, “Tell my Mom I love her and that I’m okay. My brother is sitting on the other side of her. Tell him I love him, too.” I had a choice here. As I stared into this woman’s sad eyes, all I could think about was what everyone would think of me. My fellow jurors would surely overhear me channeling for her and they had no idea about my abilities. I didn’t want them to find out and think I was weird. I crumbled under the idea of cruel and harsh judgment. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t, so I completely chickened out and in the most general terms, tried to console her by saying that her son was still with her and watching over her.
Later that day, court was adjourned and I was walking down the hall. I saw the same woman screaming, crying uncontrollably, and completely inconsolable. Everyone was staring at her and it was a huge scene. Her attorney was trying to calm her down, but it wasn’t working. I heard my Guides say, “You can help her, Christine. You can at least let her know that he’s still around.” But I didn’t. I looked away, walked right by her ailing soul and out to my car.
As I left the courthouse, I couldn’t feel more ashamed of myself. “You coward! You freakin’ coward! Why didn’t you help her? You could have given her some solace!” I was overcome with guilt and confusion. What had my life become? What had I become? This gift…this gift?…this “gift”…that I had worked so hard to hide…so hard to ignore…was taking over my conscience and now my life. I couldn’t seem to find a balance with my abilities. My experiences were so confusing. Everyone’s reaction to channeling for them was completely different based on their belief system. Some believed and some didn’t and I had spent the last six years spinning in a violent twister of love and hate:
“Christine, I’m not comfortable with this!”….”I find you fascinating!”…”How can you say this relationship is unhealthy? You’re so unsupportive!”…”I want to cook you dinner tonight!”…”Shut up!”…”I love you so much!”…”Knock that shit off!”…”You’re amazing!”…”I don’t want to hear it!”…”Tell me more!”…”Do I have to call the men in white coats?”…”Can I interview you?”…”Get away from me!”…”I seriously need to hug you right now!”
The polar reactions just swirled around in my head. There was no rhyme or reason…no balance. The only common denominator in all this was the one person they were said to – me. My heart and head took the good with the bad and chose to stay in the closet. But…what if…what if…I focused on the people who both needed and appreciated my abilities? What about them? Don’t they deserve to know that there is more out there than just the physical world? One thing was certain. I knew I had the ability to make a profound difference in people’s lives. I just needed to muster the courage and confidence required to announce to the world that I was a Psychic Medium. However, I would be sacrificing my credibility and professional reputation as a Marketing Executive in the process. And there would be no way to unring this bell. I needed clarity, so I just kept driving until it came.
By the time I arrived home, it had become crystal clear exactly what I needed to do. My curse had become a blessing. No more being ashamed. No more being embarrassed or scared. After six long years, I finally had the courage to accept my gift and use it to help those who both needed and appreciated it.
When I walked into my dressing area, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a noticeable difference in my eyes. I was different. I wasn’t the same person anymore. The Marketing Executive was dead. I was an outspoken advocate for the Other Side…a bridge between this realm and the next….
I was Christine Pavlina, Psychic Medium.